Wednesday, February 20, 2013


This is going to be a long one. Sorry. but its important to me, so bear with me.

I have debated really introducing myself for the past 2 months but I've also not been doing a great job of using my new tool to the best of its ability and for some reason I feel like the two are some his linked... Like if I don't share all that much that's personal nobody will know and if I fail, I fail silently. Well I'm not ready to shout about my band from the roof tops (perhaps once I've lost more weight I will be ready to) but the people who are close to me and who's support matters to me know and that is really all I care about... The hell with anyone who wants to be judgy.... This isn't about them. I feel safe shielded in anonymity but safe isn't what I want. I want better. I want to be the best I can be.

That said, I have been pretty vague about what I do and I feel like it really impacts me. My schedule is absolutely out of my control. I am at the mercy if others and I find it incredibly difficult to make smart food choices, etc because of that. I am absolutely not placing blame on anyone but myself. I am ultimately responsible for my success or failure. But I really believe that this is one of the places where I struggle the most.

So, here goes. I'm 27 (just recently turned 27). I'm from the South, where hearts are big, manners are important and there's always more than enough food to go around. I am also in medical school and in 15 months and counting, God willing, I will be a Doctor. I will be a surgeon.

Before I started medical school, I had no idea what went into it. It's 4 years full of crazy. The first 2 are spent mostly in the classroom learning everything known to man about the human condition. The last 2 are super "on the wards." That's when you learn to be a doctor. That's the good stuff!! What happens is we spend a varied amount of time (anywhere from 2 weeks to 8 weeks) working on different services (surgery, internal medicine, pediatrics, neurology, OBGYN, psychiatry, etc) learning about the specialities and helping take care of the patients. It's wonderful. It's fulfilling. It's overwhelming. And it's exhausting. Depending on the service, we work 60-80 hours per week, we attend classes and we have to go home and study for exams too. It's more work than I ever imagined and though some days I don't think I can make it any further, most days, I will tell you I love my life and I'm as happy as a clam.

Right now, I'm on a surgical service. What that means is that I show up at 6am for meetings. We start surgeries at 7am and we go until they are done. Some days we have clinic also. So today, I got up at 430 to leave at 530 to make it to my 6am meeting. Ran from my meeting to the OR to start surgery at 7am. Scrubbed in for surgery and quite literally spent the better part of damn near 10 hours in a patients thorax trying to make them better. Trying to learn about the patient and their disease process. There were no bathroom breaks. There was no lunch. There were no water breaks. There was no sitting down. I stood in there under the bright lights, in the sterile environment learning how to be a surgeon. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

The problem is this, how do I make my health a priority and manage the health of others at the same time?

My intake today was:
8oz milk before I left the house
1 protein bar while driving into work
A big ass glass of water at 530pm
A bowl of chili at 6pm

And now I'm exhausted. So I did not work out this evening, which I know I should have but I stood on my feet for 10 hours and the very last thing I want to do is exercise. I want to climb into my bed and sleep for 2 days!!

Granted, every day is not quite a crazy as today was, but it's just a snapshot into what I do on a daily basis. And because of that, I am struggling with how to be successful and I really want to be successful!!!

Anyway, I think that is enough for now. I have a couple of chapters to read and I need to study up on the anatomy for the cases tomorrow so I don't make a fool of myself.

If anyone has any wise words on how to structure eating/food/exercise or really any bright ideas, I would absolutely love to hear them.

Strangely, I feel better now. As if its out there in the ether and it will work out. This was never supposed to be an exposé on my medical school experience but maybe it can be both. I am both a medical student and a lap bander and I'm just trying to make it work...


  1. I've got no words of wisdom. You have a really hectic/erratic schedule which makes it hard to plan and schedule things and hard to eat or exercise correctly. It sounds like you are coping really well though. The big thing is to not give in to cravings and purging. Hang in there (picture of kitty hanging off limb). You are doing great!

    1. Thanks so much for the support. I'm trying to stay positive and make as many good decisions as I can. I get so annoyed because I know that I need to have snacks and I know I need to have lunch but some days I just absolutely can't and I don't like that feeling. I should be getting my next site assignment next week and rumors are that I won't have to work weekends at all for the next 4 weeks! That would be a dream come true!!

  2. Oh my goodness, that sounds nuts. Is it silly of me that I'm looking forward to my clinical internship that's coming up because I'll be so busy I'll be unable to do after dinner snacking? LOL Good luck, I know you'll do the best you can!

    1. Its not silly at all! That sounds very exciting and I am sure you will learn so much and be so happy!! Thanks for the good luck wishes, I made some bad decisions this week, but I am not letting it get me down, I am just starting over and going from there. It can only get better.

  3. Wow, that sounds crazy hard. When my best friend was doing nursing rotation, I was amazed at how little time they allowed for bathroom breaks and meals. Maybe just keep healthy snacks handy for whenever you do get to eat? And to try to make good choices whenever you do have the time? But really, the biggest thing I could suggest, is to not be too hard on yourself. Your life is active, thanks to the surgical service, so don't beat yourself up if you can't exercise. And medical school takes up SO much time and energy, I can't imagine how you'd have much left to focus on dieting. But your life won't be this chaotic forever.
    What an awesome journey you're on! We'll be cheering you on.

    1. Everyone jokes that the best medical student is the one who has the water and bathroom requirements of a camel with steady hands and a huge fund of knowledge. Well, I am no camel, but I do my best! HAHAHA!

      I think the advice not to try to be too hard on myself is really great advice and I am trying to do my best to be as positive as I can and go with the flow.

      Thanks so much for all the encouraging words. I appreciate it more than you know :-)