This is going to be a long one. Sorry. but its important to me, so bear with me.
I have debated really introducing myself for the past 2 months but I've also not been doing a great job of using my new tool to the best of its ability and for some reason I feel like the two are some his linked... Like if I don't share all that much that's personal nobody will know and if I fail, I fail silently. Well I'm not ready to shout about my band from the roof tops (perhaps once I've lost more weight I will be ready to) but the people who are close to me and who's support matters to me know and that is really all I care about... The hell with anyone who wants to be judgy.... This isn't about them. I feel safe shielded in anonymity but safe isn't what I want. I want better. I want to be the best I can be.
That said, I have been pretty vague about what I do and I feel like it really impacts me. My schedule is absolutely out of my control. I am at the mercy if others and I find it incredibly difficult to make smart food choices, etc because of that. I am absolutely not placing blame on anyone but myself. I am ultimately responsible for my success or failure. But I really believe that this is one of the places where I struggle the most.
So, here goes. I'm 27 (just recently turned 27). I'm from the South, where hearts are big, manners are important and there's always more than enough food to go around. I am also in medical school and in 15 months and counting, God willing, I will be a Doctor. I will be a surgeon.
Before I started medical school, I had no idea what went into it. It's 4 years full of crazy. The first 2 are spent mostly in the classroom learning everything known to man about the human condition. The last 2 are super "on the wards." That's when you learn to be a doctor. That's the good stuff!! What happens is we spend a varied amount of time (anywhere from 2 weeks to 8 weeks) working on different services (surgery, internal medicine, pediatrics, neurology, OBGYN, psychiatry, etc) learning about the specialities and helping take care of the patients. It's wonderful. It's fulfilling. It's overwhelming. And it's exhausting. Depending on the service, we work 60-80 hours per week, we attend classes and we have to go home and study for exams too. It's more work than I ever imagined and though some days I don't think I can make it any further, most days, I will tell you I love my life and I'm as happy as a clam.
Right now, I'm on a surgical service. What that means is that I show up at 6am for meetings. We start surgeries at 7am and we go until they are done. Some days we have clinic also. So today, I got up at 430 to leave at 530 to make it to my 6am meeting. Ran from my meeting to the OR to start surgery at 7am. Scrubbed in for surgery and quite literally spent the better part of damn near 10 hours in a patients thorax trying to make them better. Trying to learn about the patient and their disease process. There were no bathroom breaks. There was no lunch. There were no water breaks. There was no sitting down. I stood in there under the bright lights, in the sterile environment learning how to be a surgeon. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
The problem is this, how do I make my health a priority and manage the health of others at the same time?
My intake today was:
8oz milk before I left the house
1 protein bar while driving into work
A big ass glass of water at 530pm
A bowl of chili at 6pm
And now I'm exhausted. So I did not work out this evening, which I know I should have but I stood on my feet for 10 hours and the very last thing I want to do is exercise. I want to climb into my bed and sleep for 2 days!!
Granted, every day is not quite a crazy as today was, but it's just a snapshot into what I do on a daily basis. And because of that, I am struggling with how to be successful and I really want to be successful!!!
Anyway, I think that is enough for now. I have a couple of chapters to read and I need to study up on the anatomy for the cases tomorrow so I don't make a fool of myself.
If anyone has any wise words on how to structure eating/food/exercise or really any bright ideas, I would absolutely love to hear them.
Strangely, I feel better now. As if its out there in the ether and it will work out. This was never supposed to be an exposé on my medical school experience but maybe it can be both. I am both a medical student and a lap bander and I'm just trying to make it work...